Less than 2% of all professionals have had formal education or learning to understand and improve listening skills and techniques.

With those stats, it is understandable why many of us don’t do well at it. This is unfortunate because leaders who excel in listening have a stronger chance of creating trustworthy relationships which in turn increases the chance of team success. Without this gift of listening, it is difficult for any leader to really know what is troubling an employee, how to provide proper support, or how to pull them out of a performance rut.

Listening goes beyond direct eye contact and not interrupting. To do it well, it takes keen attention to facial expressions, body language, and mood. Those who embrace the art of listening are destined to be in a better position to lead better and smarter.

During a recent team building session with a client, the group brainstormed different ways of listening better. Review their brainstorming ideas on what enables better listening.

What happens when you don’t listen?

• You don’t understand what is going on
• Issues escalate
• Issues don’t get solved
• Resentment builds
• Relationships crumble
• Trust decreases
• Demotivation occurs 

How can I listen effectively?

• Remain open and remove any pre-determined decisions
• Get rid of all distractions
• Maintain eye contact
• Focus on listening actively
• Make the talker feel as they matter
• Respect confidentiality
• Allow the talker to share their ideas
• Don’t interrupt
• Share positive reinforcement
• Commit the time to listen
• Paraphrase messages heard
• Summarize key points
• Take notes to help remembrance
• Ask questions to help clarify points
• Be patient
• Monitor your tone when asking questions, paraphrasing, or summarizing
• Take time to reflect on what is being said

To be a more effective listener, you can also learn more from the International Listening Association at http://listen.org/. 

Listening well is difficult but employees respect a leader that does it well.

Can you think of other ways to be a better listener? Comment below and share your ideas.

The words of a leader carry a lot of weight with the people they manage. Certain words lift someone up while others simply demotivate. Here are 6 common phrases you might hear from an insensitive leader. These are plays you want to remove from your leadership playbook, if you want to influence and have greater impact in your leadership role.

Insensitive Play #1: You should know this.

It would be nice if there was stage in life where everyone became all-knowing. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Whether you are young, old, new, or seasoned, there will be times when you just don’t know. So, if you encounter someone on your journey who you feel doesn’t know as much as you think they should. Throw them a grace line. Share information, educate them with a humble spirit and hope it sticks for future reference.

Insensitive Play #2: You are lucky to even have a job.

The positive aspect of this statement is that whoever uses it is trying to have focus on gratitude opposed to lack. There are people out there that would love to make an income doing anything but a statement like this also discredits someone’s feelings of dissatisfaction. In addition to sharing how you think they are blessed, also share statements that make them feel that you empathize with their feelings of dissatisfaction and/or need for more. 

Insensitive Play #3: Just figure it out.

It’s convenient if an employee can take the time to figure out something themselves by asking questions, reading materials themselves, etc. However a good manager knows that part of their role is to guide and direct. If you are trying to develop self-sufficiency skills, you can say, “This is something I would like you to handle yourself, using resources X, Y, and Z.

Insensitive Play #4: I don’t have time for your performance review but you are doing fine.

Employees need specific feedback even when they are performing well. High performers especially need feedback because it is their nature to want to grow.  Make it a point to tell them what they are doing well, what they could do differently, or stop all together.

Insensitive Play #5: That is a dumb idea.

Great ideas can only be nurtured in a safe environment where people can feel safe to make suggestions. Whether you agree with an idea or not, work to preserve a team member’s self-esteem. Their idea may not be ideal at the time but they may be the source of something brilliant in the future.  

Insensitive Play #6: Just do what I tell you.

Nobody wants orders barked at them. If you groom your team to just follow commands, you are creating a team of robots that cannot think for themselves. This type of leadership stifles accountability and innovation. It causes people not to think beyond what is required and removes feelings of ownership for their projects. Instead, inform team members of what is required from them, allow them to share their concerns, and work towards mutual agreement and respect.

Can you think of other signs of an insensitive leader?  Comment below and share your ideas.

Sometimes the perfect remedy for dealing with team related conflict is at the tip of your tongue. Meaning what you say can set the tone for better team relations. Below are several phrases remarkable leaders share with their employees daily.  Share these phrases regularly and watch your team success explode.

1. “I believe in you.”

What a difference faith in people can have in making change happen. Build up someone’s self-esteem can make the difference between average and above average behavior. It may be hard to not control a team member at every turn, but if you give them a chance to rise to the occasion, you will observe a more motivated team. President Theodore Roosevelt said, “The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”

2. “This is why it matters…”

Exceptional leaders are able to help people connect big-picture goals to daily activities. CEO and president of Lockheed Martin Marillyn Hewson found this to be the biggest key to success in her career: “Great leaders motivate and inspire people with why they’re doing it,” she says. “That’s purpose. And that’s the key to achieving something truly transformational.”

As you delegate responsibilities to your team, take the time out in each instance to explain “why”. It will help to foster a sense of belonging and cultivate their need to do meaningful work.

3. “What are your thoughts?”

Many times the best insights come from the most unexpected people. Stellar managers seek advice from everyone regardless of title because they understand that ego gets in the way of innovation.   Take time to check in with your team and request their input on team related matters.  It will make them feel valued.  

4. “Let’s focus on your strengths.”

Warren Bennis, a renowned author and scholar on leadership, found that “Too many companies believe people are interchangeable. Truly gifted people never are. They have unique talents.” He says, “Such people cannot be forced into roles they are not suited for, nor should they be. Effective leaders allow great people to do the work they were born to do.”

It is so easy to point out people’s weaknesses. While sometimes a weakness needs to be developed to accomplish a goal, a weakness may never completely go away.  So, as you coach your team to better performance, balance your development efforts by nurturing their strengths too.  It may be easier to play to their strengths than trying to change them completely.

5. “Let me know if you have any questions.”

You would be surprised at how many people don’t feel comfortable asking questions. Some believe asking questions conveys a certain sense of inadequacy. Rid that mindset and make it clear to your team that you have an open door policy and no questions will be turned away.  Make them understand the sooner questions are addressed, the more equipped they will be to accomplish the tasks at hand.  

6. “What can you do differently next time?”

As Arianna Huffington wisely suggests, the best teacher is a mistake. “We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes,” she says. “Understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.”

No one can make the claim they have never made a mistake. If you are alive, it is inevitable.  The key to turning mistakes into a good thing is to make it a learning moment.  As a leader, don’t pretend the mistake didn’t occur.  Acknowledge the error but also take the time to share lessons learned and what can be done next time to avoid the same outcomes.

7. “How can I better support you?”

If you serve and equip your team, they will want to do the same for you and your organization. That’s why it is wise to take the time to ask team members about their workload and how you can help them succeed. Ask this question at your next one-on-one session.

8. “Great work.”

Sharing praise is more cost effective than implementing game rooms and throwing pizza parties.  Cushy perks will never replace a good old-fashion thank you or motivational phrase that makes someone aware they are doing something well and it is appreciated.    

What motivational phrases have you used or heard in the workplace? Comment below and share your ideas.